Shuffled around like a crap hand –
they liked using me on the rookies.
This isn’t a poem. It isn’t a story –
It’s just an observation,
that some behaviors can’t be explained,
some emotions can’t be categorized.
I was a violent shit, head lost in self hatred.
I guess that was God’s joke on us both.
You're all wet and gooey, like a sponge cake soaked with toffee.
I sometimes cry when i remember how beautiful you are.
Filthy to the bone and so much more.
I want you to fill me, slice me through and through.
I’m a skinny piece of soil, wanting to drown you.
Kiss me through the grape vine, fucker, then I’ll join you.
I was thinking of the times I lost my heart to strangers,
And it occurred to me that each boy stained me blue,
– each girl red.
I remember how they tasted, deep in my throat, in my dreams and puff-blowing sheet streams.
The boys were salty
– The girls, peach-fed.
Remembering all I used to dream makes me feel wheezy.
I dreamt of enjoying multiple lives, spread smooth over the cracks between each new lover.
Each crack represented to me a leap into a fuzzy world hung far and further from my own (oh please, God).
But now there’s no use in romanticising, or counting the branches left broken/unbroken from each lofty tumble.
Each love was a perfect hue of gOld.
Of starry-night dew.
Each love since ironed,
Fresh pressed just for you.
Why don’t you dip yourself in my sleep.
Rid yourself of cold Decembers, and
climb into me.
In my waters, I’ll hold your head with my eye’s smile,
I’ll cup your ears,
warding off the pounding of our heart-screams.
Lock me up in the chicken farm, Mr.
Pluck me off and eat my liver, I heard it’s a delicacy in Turkey.
Rip my head off string by skinny string and prop me on your tongue.
Squeeze me out off of my limbs and gut me out from chamber to sticky chamber.
I’d take anything from you at this point. Truthfully, I wouldn’t mind if you hurt me, or cursed me with that serpent’s eye. I just want to be able to feel that you looked at me, just once, and let me show my eyes.
Life bends me into shapes anew,
Then springs me limp from head to toe,
Each love I live I bleed a life
Each love I give is sacrifice
My heart I have to rearrange,
For all the love that has remained,
Is soaking up inside of me,
Clotting rights till I can’t bleed.
And only for a given while,
Did my love once make me smile,
Oh how I wish someone would take,
My heart to end all heart mistakes.
I hope that ring slices clean through your bony finger and slimes past your toes, riding the blood it soaped up. You messed yourself. Go fuck yourself. I hope your brain explodes out of your skull, I hope the birds peck your skin off – slowly and with deliberateness.
Wishful thinking’s a sin your momma cooked up before she blotted you out of her frame. This is my game now. My name I want to sear through your face and all through your neck brace. You head-case.
You’ll thank me, hate me, then leave me twice more – kiss me, lick me, then knock at my door, fucker.
Paint me in springtime
Watch me burn up like the songs of December and bury me in her purple ashes.
Hold me ‘til the morning mourns ember.
I’ll be waiting for you,
A moment, gone forever.