They Won’t Gain on Me

I’m trying hard not to feel bad,

But this feels like it’s my home.

And the parasites  – they won’t leave me alone.

There’s no place inside that looks remotely warm –

I feel like I’m being hunted.

Why is it that I’m haunted?

Now there’s monsters crawling through my window pane.

Feeling lost, my world’s tilting off its frame.

Sinking into depths of loneliness and pain –

I feel like I’m being hunted.

Why am I being hunted?

Why again?

Not much to add, A lot to take away


They crawl in me –

Parasites bulging under my skin,

Swimming in my bloodstream.

Sometimes the cold of the night

steals me in its arms

And its darkness blankets me from

leaked memories of my youth.

Sometimes I don’t know if it’s worth crying over/

Or dying over,

Or shouting over

Or screaming over.

I want to scratch at the worms and dig them out.

I want to scowl at my pains and press them down.

The truth is, this isn’t a poem. I’m stuck and confused. All I really want is my own studio and some quiet time to create all of the art I want to create. I want to, am going to, stitch together all of my dreams and inspirations and fantasies and bring them to form. I have so many ideas that fill my heart, but there’s so much junk, so many voices in my head – it’s hard for me to create anything right now. And it breaks my heart.

Jekyll – Hyde

Jekyll – Hyde

Jekyll – Hyde

God I’m dying.

God I’m turning.

God, I’m sorry.

I feel like I’m losing myself to a monster –  I can’t go back to that, I just can’t – but it won’t let me go. I keep seeing the monsters face in the mirror, – so I hide the mirrors – but  how long will that last? I so sick of this. I can’t live with Hyde.