Whenever I feel happy again I fear it will end.
Left alone: the wolves, the wolves.
I wish I could swing between moments,
Glide through life’s rages, whisper ‘don’t hurt me’ to my lovers.
I would try to catch Moment’s harrowed beauty as I swung by,
Letting it twine through my fingers, watch it escape them like stray hairs moving with the wind.
I would let my sisters tell their story,
A second later, recall their last line.
I would listen to my parents –
Skip past their white silk lies.
But the thing I’d really wish for,
If I really swung through time,
Is that moment before sadness,
When the sun promises it’s shine.
It’s like the world is crawling inside of me,
My head is the earth,
And it’s spinning.
The world’s wind moved through my veins,
My blistered, splintered veins,
And they’re stinging.
And all the while my friends tell me to keep my head up high,
But they have no idea how much that makes me cry.
Leave me here to melt under the weight of your world.
My hate will drip from mountains, my love from serpent’s skin,
All the while you’ll think about which heaven to lounge in.
The stars up there will trip into its death parallel,
Knowing that on earth is just the same as devils hell
So too you fall because you always chase the things you envy,
Don’t forget to take the silver flowers you once sent me
Down and down you’ll fall into the thickest clot in hell,
Up and up your dick will rise to serve the devil’s appetite, motherfucker.